I Love My Mummy

Every once in a while my Mum sends the boys each a little card just to say hello.  And just to sweeten the deal, she includes one dollar for each of them.

Recently she sent them cards, but since I was the one checking the mail and saw her handwriting  I assumed it was something for me, as she also occsasionally sends me random tidbits in the mail.

I was a tiny bit disappointed when I realized the cards were for the boys and not me.  So when I later spoke to her to let her know the cards arrived, I whined a bit and told her I was sad she hadn’t sent me anything.

Yesterday, I went to the mailbox and there was a card for me! And there was a dollar in it!

How amazing is it that at 36 years old I can still be reduced to feeling like a little girl when my Mummy does something like that for me?

Gift

One of the many things that has happened since my last post in November is the forgiveness I found for my father.  I believe entirely that I was in the process for many months, however it did not become clear until several weeks before Christmas this was to be the path I chose.

My understanding of forgiveness was limited.  I never fully understood who benefited from the act, but always felt the person doing the forgiving was surely getting the short end of the straw.  I could not have been more wrong.

Of all the people in my life who could have provided insight into forgiving my father, it turned out that his second ex-wife was the one with the most firsthand knowledge of both the process of forgiveness and the questionable behavior often exhibited by my father.

Alicia and my Dad were married around the time I was about 11 or 12 years old.  I never actually lived with her and my Dad, but came to accept and love her as a step-mother.  Our relationship has grown stronger over the years as has the amount of respect I have for her.  So when I sought her out for advice about my Dad,  I took what she offered very seriously and began to consider the path of forgiveness.

She was able to offer greater insight into the process and also recommended a website with more information.  I slowly began to realize the pain and anger I was carrying was doing nothing.  I was unable to get what I thought I wanted: remorse from my father and his acknowledgment of [many] mistakes made.  I was fighting an uphill battle.  And bringing only pain to my life and into the lives of those around me.

I accepted that my father is who he is.  And simply put, he has made choices in his life I believe to be wrong.  But I will not allow this to prevent me from having him in my life.  I’ve established some boundaries and feel confident that in maintaining said boundaries, I will be able to have a healthy relationship with my father.

I used to scoff at that old saying, “Let’s agree to disagree.”  But now I accept that sometimes this is the only way to coexist with certain people in our lives.

This forgiveness thing is good.  I feel like I’ve been given a gift.  And it’s a gift that I’ll be able to unwrap and share over and over again.  Because let’s face it, nobody’s perfect.  And from time to time we all need a little forgiveness.

Literary One Night Stands

I have not blogged anything since November 18th.  I know why this keeps happening.  It’s the simplicity of Facebook that prevents me from coming here.  I post a quick update and boom I’m done.  No proofreading, no plot planning.  No pressure.  In the world of blogging v. Facebooking, the Facebook status update is more like a one night stand with no strings and the blog is a serious committed relationship.

I suppose I had been feeling trapped lately people.  And under pressure.  So I’ve been having meaningless one night stands over on Facebook.  Oh, and don’t blame yourself.  It’s me not you.

OK, well, now I feel better.

I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much of an update.  Then you might feel trapped!  Besides, if I spew all over you today then I won’t have anything to write about tomorrow.

But regardless,  it’s nice to be back.  There have been times when I’ve considered abandoning this blog completely.  I’m glad I didn’t.

We watched Julie & Julia last night, and it totally put me back in the mood for the type of lovin’ that one can only get through blogging, not Facebooking.  So I guess I’ll stick around for a while, and we can see where this thing takes us.

A recent update in pictures!!

• I’m wearing new boots.
• Again.
• This time though I have faith that they will not kill my feet.
• Did I mention to you guys that the $200 freaking boots I bought literally tore a hole in one of heels?  I tried thin socks, thicker socks, 2 pairs of socks.  I gave up.
• I called Zappos and explained what happened.  I had literally worn them 3 times.  They let me return them!  Yes, I said THEY LET ME RETURN THEM.
• Zappos rocks.
• And I desperately wanted to buy from them again but could find what i wanted.  But I did find these:

• My dog has been begging for food an hour early ever since the time change, but now she’s begging 2 hours earlier.  It’s driving me nuts.
• Rogan has been sick the last couple of days…with very productive sneezes…if you catch my drift.  Talk about a nasal explosion with major snotty shrapnel.  And the poor innocent bystanders.   Just drenched I tell ya!
• Friday is our 10 year anniversary!  But no thanks to Notre Dame, we cannot find a hotel anywhere.
• We’re considering booking this year for something next year!
• Maybe Vegas!
• My Grandma Gertie gave me several brooches years ago, and it wasn’t til this year that I really started appreciating them.  So I recently had my favorite refurbished and it looks amazing.  Turns out it was silver.  I had no idea.  Take a look:

• My Grandma Gertie, paternal grandmother, has since passed away.  I so wish that I could have shared with her what I done to the brooch.  So I called my sister and told her all about it.  She suggested I text her a picture, which I did.  She texted back: “It’s lovely pet!”…just like my Grandma would have said.  I had to fight back the tears.  As did Mike when I told him the story!
• Since I seem to be on a roll with pictures today, I’ll share a recent snapshot of our 2 cats:

The smaller one is actually older and the other one?  Well he’s just FAT!  Can you even believe the size difference?

• This is Archer caring for a sick Rogan:

• I think I’m done for today!

My perspective is changing, as is my body!

I found out recently that I’ve lost 10 lbs. and 4.4% body fat.  The thing is, I’ve been working out regularly for almost 3 years now and this is by far the biggest change for my body.  I’ve always wanted to be that person who says they’ve lost 10 lbs, and now I am.   But I’m not done.

I’m still working on it.  About 6 weeks ago I reached a point that I was finally able to start changing the way I eat.  And as time passes I find greater strength in making the right choices with my food.  I’m able to accept that food is a fuel in addition to it being the occasional subject of celebration and pleasure, but in very appropriate portions.

Initially, I felt I was depriving myself of the foods I love to eat.  This led to a feeling of panic and anguish, fretting over the loss of something yummy, feeling like I was missing out on something THAT EVERYBODY ELSE COULD EAT EXCEPT ME! woo!

But I’m learning that eating right does not mean that I don’t get to enjoy life just like everybody else.  It means I don’t need food to be happy and it also means that every once in a while I can enjoy a treat without it becoming my regular choice of food.  And the novelty of that food truly allows it to be a treat.

It’s not easy for me.  I have moments that I want to tear into some food stuffs with sheer abandon.  But then I remind myself of those feelings that finally led to my rock bottom.  I can’t stand that I’ve been working really hard in the gym only to remain the same size week after week, month after month, year after year.  And I know what I did wrong, I rewarded myself with food, I rationalized that if I worked out I could eat whatever I wanted.  Portions be damned.   And for a time, that did prevent me from gaining weight, but that wasn’t my ultimate goal.

I feel like I had to get honest with myself, brutally fucking honest.  And that’s what I’m doing, struggling to do, and determined to keep doing.

 

 

Eczema

…on my hands!!

So basically, I’m supposed to marinate my hands in olive oil, wear gloves when I do anything with water, wash with really mild soap like Dove, avoid petroleum-based products, and choose glycerin based products.

My doctor mentioned a couple of products that will contribute to my dry hands cause and as soon as I get the chance I’ll be making a few purchases, including the Burt’s bees line of goodies as they are all natural and apparently work really well.

I’ve already done the olive oil thing and to be honest it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.

I’m planning to buy a plethora of dollar store gloves.  I’ll eat in them, sleep in them, play in them, type in them…live my life in them until I see some improvement in my hands!

Typiung wjhile qwwearing gloves!

I will not be fixing any of the typos that happen today.  I am literrally typing with gloves on.  You see, my hands get so dry in the colder months that they crack and bleed.  They hurt.  A lot.

I’m going to the doctor tomorrow because I’m convinvced there is something she can do about it.  Until then, I’ll be living in layers upon layers of lotion and gloves.

There’s nothing to see here folks. Move along!

Nothing much to write about right now.

I’m lieing.

The truth, I’m feeling really overwhelmed with my to do list and so I’m not going to spend much time here right now sharing shit about my life.  But I will plan on returning tomorrow  maybe, or Thursday to fill you in.  It’s casual right?  this relationship we have here, where you read and I write.  It’s supposed to be pressureless and without strings.  So don’t go expecting more from me.  This is all I can do right now.  If you need more, you’ll have to find another blog to read.

Wow.  I just unleashed on you didn’t I?  get over it and come back again tomorrow!

One more thing…

BOO!

 

Have a safe a happy Halloween!

Did the Earth spin a little faster this week or was it just me?

Every time I looked at the clock this past week I realized I was running late for something.  And thus the feeling of urgency and immediacy was my bff…all weeek long.  And I think it started on Monday.

It didn’t help that I had over 2000 BoxTops that needed to be clipped and counted and sent off by Thursday, it didn’t help that Mike worked a whole lot this week, it didn’t help that I needed extra time to administer Rogan’s nebulizer 3 times a day, it didn’t help that money was really starting to run low and there were multiple bills due ALL AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME, it didn’t help that my house looks like it was flipped upside down and violently shaken, and it certainly didn’t help that we kept on wearing clothes only to make them dirty thus needing laundered.  And as a side note, I think we wear entirely too many clothes and we don’t wear them long enough.  Who was the idiot that decided if you wear a shirt for one day that it shouldn’t be worn for several more days?!?!?

It was just a week of crazy and I so want it to end well.  It’s Saturday and the kids are bursting at the seams and so ready for Halloween and all its delicious glory.

I’m hoping after today, before next week rolls in, that I can slow down and regain what little composure I like to pretend I have on a good day!  We’ll see what happens.

Shit, I just looked at the time and I’m going to be late for my spinning class if I don’t hurry.