If Jealousy is Green, What Color is Guilt?

Tomorrow is my 36th birthday.  I’m excited!  I feel like I have finally reached a point in my life that I am starting to appreciate the value of making good choices for my body.  I’m trying to eat better, exercises regularly and maintain a better mood.  The mood part remains the most challenging area for me.  In addition to managing the guilt I feel when I “violate” my routine!

The summer is going well despite the skin-melting heat we are enduring right now.  The boys are enjoying the activities we do from time to time.  I do not have them enrolled in many summer activities, and I still struggle with indecision and guilt regarding that being a good thing or bad.  There are so many families that schedule daily activities for their kids, and I have chosen to “fly by the seat of our pants” instead.  Does that make me lazy, cheap, or neglectful?

Next month the boys will begin swimming lessons, which in our opinion is a necessity.  They must know how to swim.   I sometimes feel guilty about the fact that they don’t know how to swim yet.

I’m noticing a theme here…why is there so much guilt associated with living life and raising our children?  Where the hell does that come from?  I’ll tell you: we compare ourselves to everyone else instead of feeling confident about making independent decisions without second guessing them.

And with that, I’m making a New Year’s resolution:  STOP COMPARING MY FAMILY TO OTHER’S FAMILIES!!  STOP FEELING GUILTY FOR DECISIONS I MAKE!  I HAVE THE FREE WILL TO MAKE WHATEVER DECISION I WANT!!

“It’s not New Year’s”, you say!

No shit!

Try To Picture The Grin On My Face As You Read This!

O my fucking gawd.  I re-instituted “quiet time” today, and at the moment, each boy is in his respective room doing whatever they hell they want.  And me?  I’m feeling a little more hope that this summer won’t be so bad after all!

Last summer, when Rogan was still napping and McKade was a raving pre-kindergarten maniac, we started quiet time.  It was a multi-faceted move on my part:

• Preserving my sanity
• Preserving Rogan’s nap time
• Calming McKade down a little as he was losing control towards the end of the day
• Eventually McKade started napping too and it became obvious that “quiet time” was even more valuable that I had originally thought
• Allowing the boys to have their own space, in a week-assed attempt to decrease the in-fighting around here
• Encouraging independent play…something my boys do not seem to know how to do
• And did I mention the preservation of my own freaking sanity?

So in conclusion, I strongly encourage EVERYONE to partake of the “quiet time” intervention!

Thank you for your attention!

Summer “Fun”

Ok…so this has been the first full week of summer with both boys.  There were moments that absolutely sucked ass and I think I recall one that didn’t.

Take for example today!  We spent the morning lounging around, the boys taking turns on the computer, or “ohmpooter” as Rogan would say.  I’m pretty sure they were playing age-appropriate games as I’ve successfully blocked the porn sites McKade uncovered, but of course there’s always some way around those damned parental controls isn’t there?

I skipped the gym today, feeling only slightly guilty that the boys have been there with me all week already.  I did my little abs workout just so I could say that I did and then the rest of the morning started shaping up in anticipation of heading to a local spray park.

I got the boys and myself bathed and dressed, encouraged a zippy lunch and then off we went to the park.  Suddenly my cell phone rang and my friend Nicole disappointingly shared that the spray park was closed.  WTF!  There I stood, clad in my bathing suit, 2 boys ready for fun and all buckled up to go, and the goddamn spray park was closed.  We did some quick thinking and remembered the other spray park in the downtown area.  (Please, when I say “downtown”, I don’t really mean “downtown”…I mean a slightly busier street with slightly taller buildings than the average residential area!)

We played at the park for several hours.  The boys had a great time, as did I.  Watching them play with abandon as my children rarely do, brings me such joy.  That coupled with the fact that I got to sit on my ass while they played made for a good time!

On the way home, we stopped for ice cream!  And unfortunately, wink-wink, Rogan still needs a little bit of “help” to prevent his ice cream from melting all the way down his arm.  And by “help” I mean preemptive and supportive licking in strategic locations around the cone!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Crisis Averted

Rogan: “Mommy, what are those?”

Me: “Those are tampons honey!”

Rogan: “What are they for?”

Me: “Um. Well.  Hmmmm. Well, they’re for…Um…Mommies put them in their vaginas!”

Rogan: “Do you see me in the miror?”

Me: Big.fucking.sigh.of.relief!!

Snippet City

The survivor edition!

In an attempt to catch you up and help me keep track of all of the things I want to blog about…I’m doing bullet points here…some other bloggers I know have done this as well recently, so I’m following their lead!

• Rogan had goopy eyes, I mean really goopy…so he and are staying home this weekend while Daddy and mack head to Lexington to see family…I must admit, I am disappointed but that goopy eyed little boy does not need to travel…he has a doctor’s appointment today at 10:50!
• I accidentally killed a caterpillar yesterday…details in another blog.
• I’m getting involved in an awesome fund raiser, it’s called Benchmark and I could not be more excited about it…details in another blog!
• Mike has not yet been back for the follow up to verify that all swimmers have indeed ceased and desisted…thus another pack of $35.00 birth control have been purchased!
• Spent a small fortune at Target yesterday on fun outdoorsy stuff for the kids…AND a King down-alternative comforter for us…that comforter: $35.00!!  Now that is a bargain!!  So of course I’m on the hunt for an affordable duvet! And damn it, I will find one!
• I am in love with this TV stand:

• And I’m saving my money until I can buy it!
• I am also in love with these boots:
• And I will save my money so I can buy those too!!
• I miss my sister so damn much.  I feel like we got a taste of spending quality time together when I went out to Portland, and I want more!
• I’m getting a lot out of my counseling sessions.  We’ve discussed many things including my Dad and my Mum, and so far I’m feeling really positive about the way I’ve been handling things.
• As a result of the previously mentioned, I’ve developed a theory about what role parents play when they come for a visit! More on this in another post!
• Just had Rogan diagnosed…pink eye…both eyes!
• And me?  I think I’m in the very early stages of another bladder infection…more information than you really want, but my pee starts smelling kind of funny when I get these infections, and yes I’ve had them and self-diagnosed them before!
• Waiting for a call from the on-call physician to start a prescription before everyone is unreachable for the weekend!
• It would seem that Mike made the best choice by vacating these diseased quarters!
• Oh and I found a tick crawling in my arm, while sitting here at my computer!
• Quickly gave Mazie her flea and tick treatment and I really hope that was the one and only tick that gets in to my house!
• And how come when I use the word “blog” in my blog,  spell-check tells me that I spelled it wrong?  That’s just not right!
• Oh, and enjoy your Memorial Day Weekend!  And if you want to take a moment to observe this national day of remembrance, you can participate in a “National Moment of Remembrance“: at 3 p.m. on Monday to pause and think upon the true meaning of the day.

I Can’t Make This Shit Up

Sitting on the couch this morning with the boys reading a lovely book about how animals should not wear clothing.  The front cover shows a porcupine wearing some very thread-bairn clothes.  We finished the book and began discussing whether or not we like porcupines.  I said, and we all agreed that we liked porcupines but did not want to cuddle with one.

A few minutes pass and McKade hunkers down under a blanket and snuggles up close to me.  He then says, “Mom, I’m being a porcupine and I’m ‘porking’ you!”

Hesitation

I’ve been hesitant to post about about my trip to Portland.  On the one hand my sister and I completely reconnected and thoroughly enjoyed spending time together.  We have concluded that we are twins, only we were born 2 1/2 years apart.

On the other hand, I experienced some extreme difficulty with my father.  The kind of difficulty that is causing me to closely examine my realtionship with him.  It’s not that shit hit the fan for the first time while we were in Portland, it’s been hitting the fan with him off and on for years, and what occurred in Portland may have brought everything to a head.

I’m trying to decide how far I can go with airing my dirty laundry, I’m wondering if there are boundaries that should be respected when blogging about a family member.  Part of me really wants to put it all out there in the universe and let the chips fall where they may.  And the other part of me wants to respect his privacy even though I’m feeling like he doesn’t even deserve that right now.

At least I know that I have a confidant in my sister.  And I also know that a good friend of mine happens to be the adult child of a man who has made some questionable choices in his life too.  Anne, I might be calling you soon!

Damn It, Damn It, Damn It, Shit, Shit, Shit

This is McKade’s first year of school.  He’s in  Kindergarten and I think that is a pretty special thing.

And this is why I am kicking myself for screwing up the school pictures.  Not once, but TWICE!  Twice damn it!

McKade was sick the day they did class pictures last fall…This was out of my control, there was nothing I could do about it.  But then I went and screwed up the picture retakes by forgetting to request them.

Some time in February I learned there would be “Spring” pictures taken and of course I thought all would be well.  But here’s what happened:

I have a relatively strong belief that kids should wear their “nicer” clothes for school pictures.  And they especially should NOT be wearing their favorite cartoon character/superhero/race car/sports team t-shirt for picture day.  But I allow insist that McKade choose his own outfits for school.  I learned early on that fighting over his wardrobe was NOT a battle I wanted to have everyday.

As a direct result, McKade has become the “layering king”.  He often wears a t-shirt, and a long-sleeve shirt, and sometimes a sweatshirt.  Now granted this does produce a lot of extra laundry for me, but my oldest son has learned to take responsibility for this part of his day and that seems like a fair trade-off.  Until…the spring pictures came home showing my son in his favorite transformer t-shirt.

Damn It, Damn It, Damn It!!  Shit, Shit, Shit!!

A Chicken By Any Other Name

All of my boys are now involved in the The Chicken Game and Rogan finally got his turn tonight.  After finding and then placing Mr. Pickles in a new hiding spot, Rogan was having a hard time recalling what we have been calling the plush little poultry.

“Pickle Birdy”, “Mr. Chicken”,  and  “Pickle Chicken” are just a few of the alternates Rogan concocted.  Of course, Rogan is still very much under the weather and probably suffering from sleep deprivation and a fever induced psychosis which prevents his brain from retaining ANY information.

Or, he’s just 3!

Either way, Mr. Pickles has found a loving home here with us and regardless of what adorable monikers the boys create, Mr. Pickles is still the cutest little chicken around!

Mr. Pickles tries to make new friends.

grumpy

• rogan up all night with terrible diarrhea
• every hour on the hour
• i will not fix any typois today
• suyck it
• anne’s jam tastes good mixed in oatmeal
• ro’s ass is raw and he cries a lot
• i’m really fucking tired
• and gladd Mike got the vasectomy
• this up all night shit is for the birds
• rogan opuked peaniut butt and jelly on his floor
• it stained
• badly
• i got shit to do today
• like clean the damn carpet
• pedialyte tastes like crap
• why would a kid drink that shit
• i’m freezing it into a little popsiv\cle
• maybe I can convince rogan it’s a treat
• even though Mike is a great husband there are times he makes decisions I can’t help but question
• I’ll blog more about that in anbother entry
• the blame game, it’s worth blogging about
• Damn, this oatmeal with ANne’s jam tastes good…thanks Anne!
• every time i hear a gurgle noise, I’m afraid it’s Rogans’ ass explding again
• or puke