My perspective is changing, as is my body!

I found out recently that I’ve lost 10 lbs. and 4.4% body fat.  The thing is, I’ve been working out regularly for almost 3 years now and this is by far the biggest change for my body.  I’ve always wanted to be that person who says they’ve lost 10 lbs, and now I am.   But I’m not done.

I’m still working on it.  About 6 weeks ago I reached a point that I was finally able to start changing the way I eat.  And as time passes I find greater strength in making the right choices with my food.  I’m able to accept that food is a fuel in addition to it being the occasional subject of celebration and pleasure, but in very appropriate portions.

Initially, I felt I was depriving myself of the foods I love to eat.  This led to a feeling of panic and anguish, fretting over the loss of something yummy, feeling like I was missing out on something THAT EVERYBODY ELSE COULD EAT EXCEPT ME! woo!

But I’m learning that eating right does not mean that I don’t get to enjoy life just like everybody else.  It means I don’t need food to be happy and it also means that every once in a while I can enjoy a treat without it becoming my regular choice of food.  And the novelty of that food truly allows it to be a treat.

It’s not easy for me.  I have moments that I want to tear into some food stuffs with sheer abandon.  But then I remind myself of those feelings that finally led to my rock bottom.  I can’t stand that I’ve been working really hard in the gym only to remain the same size week after week, month after month, year after year.  And I know what I did wrong, I rewarded myself with food, I rationalized that if I worked out I could eat whatever I wanted.  Portions be damned.   And for a time, that did prevent me from gaining weight, but that wasn’t my ultimate goal.

I feel like I had to get honest with myself, brutally fucking honest.  And that’s what I’m doing, struggling to do, and determined to keep doing.

 

 

My Theory:

What happens to our parents when we grow up and they come for a visit:

They seem to fall into 1 of 3, possibly 4, categories…they become either a) “Guests only” – doing nothing, and expecting to be waited on hand and foot, b) Overly demanding and taking charge – parenting your kids, telling you in many ways how you do it all wrong and that their way is better,   c) Completely clueless and “dumbing down”, or d) If you’re lucky, your parents know just how to handle being in your home with your children and they doing almost everything right!!

This theory developed after a meeting with my therapist.  And of course, there is no research and no data to back this all up.  It’s just me exploring my own experiences.  The thing is, there are reasons why parents might fall into these various roles.  And further exploration is something worth doing, probably for all of us!  And I imagine there may even be more “types” of  parents out there.

I’d love to hear what you have to add!