I found out recently that I’ve lost 10 lbs. and 4.4% body fat.  The thing is, I’ve been working out regularly for almost 3 years now and this is by far the biggest change for my body.  I’ve always wanted to be that person who says they’ve lost 10 lbs, and now I am.   But I’m not done.

I’m still working on it.  About 6 weeks ago I reached a point that I was finally able to start changing the way I eat.  And as time passes I find greater strength in making the right choices with my food.  I’m able to accept that food is a fuel in addition to it being the occasional subject of celebration and pleasure, but in very appropriate portions.

Initially, I felt I was depriving myself of the foods I love to eat.  This led to a feeling of panic and anguish, fretting over the loss of something yummy, feeling like I was missing out on something THAT EVERYBODY ELSE COULD EAT EXCEPT ME! woo!

But I’m learning that eating right does not mean that I don’t get to enjoy life just like everybody else.  It means I don’t need food to be happy and it also means that every once in a while I can enjoy a treat without it becoming my regular choice of food.  And the novelty of that food truly allows it to be a treat.

It’s not easy for me.  I have moments that I want to tear into some food stuffs with sheer abandon.  But then I remind myself of those feelings that finally led to my rock bottom.  I can’t stand that I’ve been working really hard in the gym only to remain the same size week after week, month after month, year after year.  And I know what I did wrong, I rewarded myself with food, I rationalized that if I worked out I could eat whatever I wanted.  Portions be damned.   And for a time, that did prevent me from gaining weight, but that wasn’t my ultimate goal.

I feel like I had to get honest with myself, brutally fucking honest.  And that’s what I’m doing, struggling to do, and determined to keep doing.

So basically, I’m supposed to marinate my hands in olive oil, wear gloves when I do anything with water, wash with really mild soap like Dove, avoid petroleum-based products, and choose glycerin based products.

My doctor mentioned a couple of products that will contribute to my dry hands cause and as soon as I get the chance I’ll be making a few purchases, including the Burt’s bees line of goodies as they are all natural and apparently work really well.

I’ve already done the olive oil thing and to be honest it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.

I’m planning to buy a plethora of dollar store gloves.  I’ll eat in them, sleep in them, play in them, type in them…live my life in them until I see some improvement in my hands!

I will not be fixing any of the typos that happen today.  I am literrally typing with gloves on.  You see, my hands get so dry in the colder months that they crack and bleed.  They hurt.  A lot.

I’m going to the doctor tomorrow because I’m convinvced there is something she can do about it.  Until then, I’ll be living in layers upon layers of lotion and gloves.

Nothing much to write about right now.

I’m lieing.

The truth, I’m feeling really overwhelmed with my to do list and so I’m not going to spend much time here right now sharing shit about my life.  But I will plan on returning tomorrow  maybe, or Thursday to fill you in.  It’s casual right?  this relationship we have here, where you read and I write.  It’s supposed to be pressureless and without strings.  So don’t go expecting more from me.  This is all I can do right now.  If you need more, you’ll have to find another blog to read.

Wow.  I just unleashed on you didn’t I?  get over it and come back again tomorrow!

BOO!

Have a safe a happy Halloween!

Every time I looked at the clock this past week I realized I was running late for something.  And thus the feeling of urgency and immediacy was my bff…all weeek long.  And I think it started on Monday.

It didn’t help that I had over 2000 BoxTops that needed to be clipped and counted and sent off by Thursday, it didn’t help that Mike worked a whole lot this week, it didn’t help that I needed extra time to administer Rogan’s nebulizer 3 times a day, it didn’t help that money was really starting to run low and there were multiple bills due ALL AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME, it didn’t help that my house looks like it was flipped upside down and violently shaken, and it certainly didn’t help that we kept on wearing clothes only to make them dirty thus needing laundered.  And as a side note, I think we wear entirely too many clothes and we don’t wear them long enough.  Who was the idiot that decided if you wear a shirt for one day that it shouldn’t be worn for several more days?!?!?

It was just a week of crazy and I so want it to end well.  It’s Saturday and the kids are bursting at the seams and so ready for Halloween and all its delicious glory.

I’m hoping after today, before next week rolls in, that I can slow down and regain what little composure I like to pretend I have on a good day!  We’ll see what happens.

Shit, I just looked at the time and I’m going to be late for my spinning class if I don’t hurry.

Seriously, I had every intention of posting another blog today but the dog ate it.  OK, I’m not telling the whole truth.  The day just got away from me and I ended it by counting 2100 fucking BoxTops to help raise money for my kid’s school!!  yes…I really counted that many!!

And now it’s bedtime and I didn’t want to disappoint you again, not after having put you through what you just went through, I mean with my long absence and all.   So here it is.  My post for today.

Goodnight!

And yes I’m going to use bullet points to answer this question!  Back off!

• While Mike was working 3rd shift, I had absolutely no interest in sharing anything about my life!  Plain and simple…I just didn’t have it in me.
• When he finally returned to his regular schedule, I had some residual, um, shall we say, anger and frustration and downright lack of interest in this blog!
• I realized I could use Facebook as my verbal outlet and started really enjoying the lack of pressure and ease of updating my status, I suppose you could say I found the microwave version of sharing as opposed to the slow-cooking option of the blog.
• I forget what happened next, but cut to the present and it’s Tuesday.
• I just got over a mild illness, one which affected my asthma so I was not working out for a few days.
• I recently found out that another acquaintance of mine has breast cancer, and I am completely, utterly, and totally feeling like it’s [cancer]creeping ever closer, and we need to be as proactive and verbal about it as possible.
• I’m also extremely disturbed by the recent rash of child abductions and have decided to try and get something started in our neighborhoods to prevent this from happening.  Because having a recent picture of your kids and telling them that you love them won’t do you any fucking good if they have already been snatched by a predator.
• I’m counting mass BoxTops for McKade’s school in an effort to raise funds…I’m really sick of BoxTops by the way.
• I’ve recently tried to change the way I eat by reducing portions, no shit Tanzie, and trying to eat the right things at the right times.
• In addition to continue working out…I actually really enjoy working out, even though it hurts much of the time!
• Our 10th year anniversary is slowly approaching and we are trying to get something together.
• And I can hardly wait for the holidays, if only to see family members I miss terribly!!
• Oh, and I am not guaranteeing I will start posting regularly from now on…you’ll get what you get and you won’t throw a fit!

Mike is still pulling third shift, and I as a direct result, I can’t seem to function normally.  I feel like Mike and I are living in parallel universes, not unlike that one movie…you know, where they leave notes for each other but at different times in their lives.

I have not been writing on this blog, nor reading other blogs.  Just a few visits to Facebook and I’m overwhelmed.

Everything seems to have taken on a slow motion feel, yet I can’t seem to get everything done that needs to do done.  What an oxymoronic predicament.

Oh yeah, and I can’t seem to stop needing naps during the day either.  WTF!

Gotta go.  I think I’ve spent too much time here and if I don’t hurry, I’ll be late for doing nothing.

Not only are we dealing the normal disorganization and turbulence of the start of the school year, we are also contending with Mike having to work 3rd shift for 2 – 6 weeks.  It sucks.  I feel like our little family has been turned upside down.

I know it’s temporary but it stinks.

During the time when Mike was living in Elkhart and the boys and I were still in Noblesville trying to sell the house, I used to tell myself that would be the worst.  And you know what?  It really was.  If I can survive three months of weekends only, I can get through this.

At least we’re in the same town!!

Thanks for listening!