Ugh. I have these moments in my life when I stop and really notice what is happening. Just now, I basically had to force myself to put a sleeping and very cuddly Rogan into his little bed. While maybe just 8 hours ago I was wishing that he would stop talking to me so that I could listen to a news story on people hitting more and more deer with their vehicles. What the fuck? What kind of priorities are those?

I remember hearing once that we wait and wait for our children to learn how to talk and then later we wish that they would just shut up. It’s true. Well for me anyway. And I hate that.

I can’t stand that there are times when I look at Rogan and all I can think about is that he is my last, my baby, my youngest. His innocence and free spirit are true treasures. And yet he annoys me. Sometimes his incessant, and often incoherent babbling grates on every nerve in my body.

I speak for myself, when I say that I get so caught up in life and the daily rigors, that I lose appreciation for what these kids give to me. For some God damn reason, there are moments that the laundry and the dishes seem more important than what these little precious people have to say. I don’t want to be like this and I am.

Holding Ro tonight felt so good. Feeling his little body give in to sleep was wonderful. He’s been a little under the weather lately and tonight he seemed perkier and more like his old self. I truly did not want to put him in his bed. He’s 3 years old and I am running out of cuddle time with him.


9 thoughts on “Perspective

  1. Emily says:

    I so love your sweet, and honest, and beautiful take on life and times with your children. It never feels fake, it always feels so geniune. And no matter what it is always full of love. I treasure that about you and your writing. And if I had a shiny fucking medal and a cold bottle of whisky….I would hand them to you and proudly proclaim you as my blogging friend. Well done.

  2. Tanzie says:

    Oh thank you Emily!! What a lovely comment! I appreciate that!

  3. anne says:

    Even when our kids are annoying (and we have not reached a point where they are quiet yet) we love them! Thanks for blogging about that feeling. There are so many days where I have been in a huge rush to get everything done in the evening and have wished everyone would just BE QUIET. But then there are so many times when the house is empty, and I hate that quiet…and I know someday I’ll crave the noise. The noise that now drives me to a pre-dinner Margarita…

  4. Tanzie says:

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one to drown out the noise by drinking!! Thanks Anne!

  5. Kjirsten says:

    I agree with Emily. I love your honest and genuine expression of feelings. I think what you’re describing is evidence that we can’t be everything to everyone, all the time. I don’t think anyone would ever doubt that you were a nurturing mother who loves your children, but you’re also a woman with many hats and it’s hard to function effectively in all those roles at once. You need to put on the “business” hat to get the laundry done, do the grocery shopping, pay the bills, etc, and that means focusing on these tasks and giving them your attention. You also have your nurturing mommy hat where you get to focus on cuddling with Ro and take time to appreciate your kids. It sounds like you have a good balance.

  6. outspokenandunderpaid says:

    Thanks Kjirsten. I am trying to find balance. As are we all!

  7. Crazy like a chicken says:

    Isabel is my first and at times I feel like a horrible mother for wanting her to just play quietly. When I get off of work I go pick her up and all I want to do is hug her. Then I cook dinner, pick up the house, feed her her dinner, and let her play some some before bed time. It’s in that “let her play some more” time that I’m ready to collapse. I hate that sometimes I’m annoyed that she wants me to “read” her a book 300 fricking times. My brain is so fried I’m just ready to lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling!

    You are normal and so am I – thanks for blogging about our “annoying normalcies”!!

  8. Crazy like a chicken says:

    Oh yeah – Ro doesn’t HAVE to be your last……………. 🙂

  9. outspokenandunderpaid says:

    Uh, yeah, he does! I can’t afford the mood stabilizing meds anymore!

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