Avoiding Avoidance

So I’ve managed to avoid you all week.  Mostly because I still feel so daunted by what happened with my father that every time I’ve even considered sitting down to write about something, I froze.  I didn’t know what to write about.

As far as my Dad, I will state that I learned about some things from his past that are less than desirable.  And how he dealt with and continues to deal with these past mistakes is affecting me intensely.  Please don’t assume that it was infidelity.  That particular mistake is already out there and has been dealt with on more than one occasion.  It’s old hat!

Rather it was something else that I cannot resolve on my own and so I have decided to seek out some therapy.  I have an appointment next Thursday.  I think this one appointment should do it for me.  NOT!!!

Other than the aforementioned pressing issue, it has been a good week.  For those of you with whom I Facebook (used as a verb), you know that Rogan has finally started peeing on the potty.  And it’s about damn time.  That kid is 16!!  It’s quite sweet really.  When he wakes up in the morning he asks me if I’m going to let him pee.  Like I would say no!  “No Rogan, you go ahead and keep pissing and shitting in that really freaking expensive diaper, I don’t mind!”  I gleefully anticipate the day we become diaper free.  I’ll never give up wipes though, those things are amazing to clean with!

I’m missing my hubby a lot.  He hasn’t even been away.  it just feels liike we have been really disconnedcted lately.  My dream from last night didn’t help matters much.  I dreamt we were growing apart while dating and we decided to separate.  Of course I still had feelings for him so when I saw him out in public with friends, including another girl, my dream jealousy reared it’s ugly head.  Oh I felt so conflicted!

When I woke up, I scooted as close as I could to Mike and tried to bring myself back down from the point of almost sobbing into his back!  The morning brought real tears to my eyes while I was sharing my dream with him!  He poo-pooed me and reassured me and I got over it!  But damn I hate those dreams!

I’m so glad it’s Friday and that there is decent weather in the forecast!  Enjoy life!!

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One thought on “Avoiding Avoidance

  1. anne says:

    Mr. N reacted the same way my Mike does whenever I confess a dream/nightmare about infedelity. But he always asks “Was she hot? Or Swedish?” Apparently that matters. 🙂

    Tanz, get outside, and breathe in that fresh spring air. Sneeze out all this stress. It’s going to be okay.

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