My perspective is changing, as is my body!

I found out recently that I’ve lost 10 lbs. and 4.4% body fat.  The thing is, I’ve been working out regularly for almost 3 years now and this is by far the biggest change for my body.  I’ve always wanted to be that person who says they’ve lost 10 lbs, and now I am.   But I’m not done.

I’m still working on it.  About 6 weeks ago I reached a point that I was finally able to start changing the way I eat.  And as time passes I find greater strength in making the right choices with my food.  I’m able to accept that food is a fuel in addition to it being the occasional subject of celebration and pleasure, but in very appropriate portions.

Initially, I felt I was depriving myself of the foods I love to eat.  This led to a feeling of panic and anguish, fretting over the loss of something yummy, feeling like I was missing out on something THAT EVERYBODY ELSE COULD EAT EXCEPT ME! woo!

But I’m learning that eating right does not mean that I don’t get to enjoy life just like everybody else.  It means I don’t need food to be happy and it also means that every once in a while I can enjoy a treat without it becoming my regular choice of food.  And the novelty of that food truly allows it to be a treat.

It’s not easy for me.  I have moments that I want to tear into some food stuffs with sheer abandon.  But then I remind myself of those feelings that finally led to my rock bottom.  I can’t stand that I’ve been working really hard in the gym only to remain the same size week after week, month after month, year after year.  And I know what I did wrong, I rewarded myself with food, I rationalized that if I worked out I could eat whatever I wanted.  Portions be damned.   And for a time, that did prevent me from gaining weight, but that wasn’t my ultimate goal.

I feel like I had to get honest with myself, brutally fucking honest.  And that’s what I’m doing, struggling to do, and determined to keep doing.




One thought on “My perspective is changing, as is my body!

  1. Deb says:

    First of all – GO TANZ! That is awesome you are able to take charge of your body & work to make it as healthy as you can. The good thing about rock bottom – the only way to go is up (or down in this case!). Very glad you are winning the battle & keep it up.

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